I have a problem. More specifically, my son has a problem. He appears to be a chronic liar. Especially if he thinks that lying will help him get his way. As this is my first (and only) child, I can only assume that this is a common problem. However, this is an issue I thought we’d have moved beyond by now. Unfortunately, my son is nearly nine and lies more than ever. About nearly everything. The most disturbing thing about the situation is that he doesn’t seem to see any problem with giving several different accounts of what he’s been doing, all in a row. Then he gets upset that we don’t believe any of his prevarications.
So, since my husband and I have tried several things, and none of them have been working, I’m ready to turn to the Internet. Trying to do my best, as a parent, to teach my son honesty, hasn’t worked, so now it’s time to collect some ideas.
Ideas to Help Your Children Stop Lying
I, personally, don’t know what to do about my son’s problem with telling the truth. So I’m willing to try a few things. Here is what Dr. Phil says about lying:
- Stop believing the lies.
- Create consequences that your child can predict when they lie.
- Enforce your rules about lying so that your child will change behaviors.
- Know that lying is changeable, and that you can work on the problem.
According to Positive Discipline, there are some things that can be done to help stop your child from lying. Here are those suggestions:
- Try to understand your child, and the situation. You should also understand yourself.
- Stop asking questions that set up lying. Instead of saying, “Did you do this?”, say, “I notice that you didn’t do ____. Why didn’t you?” The idea is to avoid inviting a lie — especially if you already know the answer to your question.
- Let your child know he or she is loved, even when making mistakes. This can help you child overcome the tendency to lie in order to prevent a loss of love.
On Kaboose.com, there is a parenting section, and you can read about some of the motivations some children have for lying. These motivations might include a desire to avoid getting in trouble, fulfilling a fantasy, or to look important. Encouraging honesty requires that parents avoid setting traps, and that they set an example of honesty. It’s an interesting article that might provide some insight into why a child lies.
MSNBC also talks about the importance of setting a good example, and by not putting undue pressure on your child to perform a certain way. If you want to discourage your child from lying and cheating, you need to set up an expectation of honesty, and you need to enforce that, by being appreciative when they tell the truth. This segment also addresses the difference between young kids lying and older kids lying, and offers tips for teaching the value of honesty.
The Online Parenting Coach has 25 tips for getting kids to stop lying. Some of the tips offered include:
- Ask why your child is lying and try to understand why he or she is doing it.
- Be clear that trust is a privilege that your child needs to earn by telling the truth.
- Require that your child make amends as quickly as possible, apologizing for the infraction.
- Be aware that lying behavior is common in environments that are too permissive, as well as in environments that are too restrictive.
What do you think? Do you have tips for getting your child to stop lying and start telling the truth?