Not too long ago, stressed out by a number of events, my husband and I realized that we weren’t really “feeling it.” So we took a step back to examine the situation. He was stressed because of his work as an adjunct and the pressures of trying to find a full-time job. I was angry a lot for different reasons.
After looking at the problem, we decided that it was time to make changes and get back to focusing on what’s really important: Us.
If you find that you are losing a little of the togetherness you used to associate with your life partner, it might be time to make some resolutions to bring your relationship back into focus. Here are 4 relationship resolutions to try:
1. Listen Actively
One of the problems that I used to have early in my relationship with my husband was that I would try to multitask while he talked to me. That habit annoyed my husband because he felt like he was getting second billing. I noticed recently that I was letting the multitasking creep back. Trying to listen to my husband while I read a book isn’t exactly a recipe for truly hearing what he’s saying.
Whether your partner is telling you about the day, or venting a little, active listening is important. Put the book down, get up from the computer. Look your partner in the eye, and really listen.
2. Make Time to Do Things Together
When you always have company over, or if you are “too busy” in your life, you tend to forget why you’re with your partner. Make sure to carve out time to do things together. My husband and I try to go to lunch once a week — just the two of us. We also make sure that we spend a couple evenings a week watching our favorite TV shows together. And there are times that we do other things, like go to a sporting event or a concert. Find the time to enjoy each other’s company. It will remind you that there’s a reason you decided to live together.
3. Learn to Argue without Losing Control
Sometimes, you disagree. However, you do need to learn how to argue without losing control. It’s even ok to sometimes break the rules of family relationships and argue in front of your kids — provided you show that it’s possible to be reasonable and logical during a disagreement. Practice disagreeing in a way that allows you to discuss more than argue, and remember that your viewpoint isn’t the only valid one.
4. Make an Effort
Relationships, especially the worthwhile ones, are hard. They require time and energy. You need to put effort in to make it work. Sometimes, this includes getting dressed rather than staying in your pajamas. Sometimes it means compromising, and giving something up. And sometimes it just means putting your significant other first for a few minutes to let him or her vent. As long as you are both putting in the effort, you should be able to make your relationship work.